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Ten Signs That You’re Too Pregnant

September 18, 2011

1.  You understand that the ‘waddle’ is due to the change in your center of gravity and the extra weight you’re carrying.  But then you realize that the waddling also helps prevent your thighs from rubbing together and starting a fire.

2.  Your toddler says, “Mama belly BEEEEEEEEEG!” and backs away slowly.

3.  If you drop something on the floor, you stare at it for a full two minutes, debating on if you need it badly enough to pick it up.

4.  You’d rather lose your job than take the stairs to get to that meeting on the second floor.

5.  Your maternity pants – the ones designed to stretch with your growing belly – no longer fit.

6.  Your boobs have joined forces with your armpits.

7.  You have to slouch down in the driver’s seat because it’s the only way to reach the pedals after moving your seat back to accommodate your girth.

8.  You need a carjack to get from a sitting position to a standing position.

9.  Your baby uses your bladder as a speed punching bag just to get a little more space.

10.  Your third chin rests on your boobs, that rest on belly, that rests on your thighs – making for a Jabba-the-Hut-like effect.

These are signs that other people have mentioned to me.  Of course, I haven’t experienced any of these.  Not a single one.  With only four weeks to go, I hardly even know I’m pregnant.

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2 Comments
  1. Love it!

  2. posey permalink

    i fear i’m already waddling at 20 weeks, the rest i’m anxiously looking forward to. Oh wait….i mean no, no i’m not.

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